literature

Goodbye

Deviation Actions

VPofFantasyland's avatar
Published:
577 Views

Literature Text

Seven years of pain went by
And now I write this last goodbye.
I am so proud of what you did.
How you helped and taught us
With everything that went wrong.
But still you smiled, kept going on.

You didn't lose
You just stopped living.
We will and can not stop the missing.
Maybe
Hopefully
One day too
We all will be as strong as you.
Audio available [link]

My teacher had cancer for 7 years until he stopped living.
I think I can speak for the whole school if I say he was an amazing teacher.
He didn't teach us a theory, he taught us life.
© 2012 - 2024 VPofFantasyland
Comments19
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Foreststone's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Impact

First off, This is amazingly sad and beautiful, defiantly my kind of poem!

Second off, here is my critique:
After the periods, the next first word of the next stanza should be lower case. For example you have this in your first verse:
Seven years of pain went by
And now I write this last goodbye.
I am so proud of what you did.
How you helped and taught us
With everything that went wrong.
But still you smiled, kept going on.


It should be this (I bolded where I corrected it):
Seven years of pain went by
and now I write this last goodbye.
I am so proud of what you did.
How you helped and taught us
with everything that went wrong.
But still you smiled, kept going on.


I agree with the critique from *ImMattyVYo, maybe you could give more detail about the seven years of pain maybe why this person (or maybe you) was in pain?
This line: We all will be as strong as you. is a little confusing for me!